Pink Taco; Westfield Century City Mall, Los Angeles, California; June 20, 2008

And the Spinsters are on their own again! Amy's two-week long sojourn with Alexandra in sunny Los Angeles may have come to an end, but let me assure you, that does not mean the drinking has.

I, Alexandra, found myself out at the infamously-named Pink Taco, for dinner with a lovely friend. Before I begin this review, I would like to address the issue of Pink Taco's tagline, emblazoned across the reception desk, which is "eating out never tasted this good," and which I kind of feel slightly resentful towards. Lookit. If you're eating out, and if you don't think it tastes good, then you do not deserve to be on your knees. And . . . that is all I have to say on that subject aujourd'hui.

So, Pink Taco is located in a mall. The food was decent, although overpriced because it was, again, in a mall. I ordered their signature Pink Taco Margarita ($10), made of fresh lime juice, tequila, and "agua de Jamaica," which is listed as being made of an infusion of hibiscus flowers (as an aside - if you've never tried it, this Spinster highly recommends hibiscus tea).

Limeyness: Very nice, very limey, with floral overtones from the hibiscus.

Saltiness: NO SALT. This is a giant wtf. While some argue that the salt in a margarita is merely present to hide the taste of bad tequila, there are few things in the world that make this Spinster happier than elegantly slurping the salt off the rim of a margarita glass.

Presentation: Pink! The margarita was pink! Which was pretty fun. Also, I liked the glass - a standard margarita glass shape, with a funky blue rim.

Texture: Rocks. Incidentally, I didn't ask for it on the rocks as I usually do, being a rocks fan, but just ordered the margarita and didn't specify because I wanted to see if it would be rocks or blended. I give them props for rocks being the standard. Other Spinsters might argue with me.

Strength: Not really strong, actually. Not strong at all. I lost my margarita virginity at Ethel's Lounge, and thus like my margaritas to burn all the way down. But, really - it was a margarita in a mall, so what was I expecting?

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro? Clinton Kelly. Slightly girly, found in malls, probably wouldn't object to a pink Zorro mask, as long as the shoes matched.

Overall rating: Three out of five tequila worms.




My dinner companion had a non-alcoholic mint cooler, which was really lovely, and made in-house with what tasted like fresh mint.

No pictures this time, sorry - but from this experience I have learned to never leave my house without a camera, because you never know when a margarita will fling itself at you and demand to be drunk.

Until next time, remember: a real lady only ever dates cunning linguists.

Yours,

Inebriated Spintster Alexandra

Sunset Trocadero Lounge; Sunset Strip, West Hollywood, California; June 14, 2008

Look, just because margaritas are generally the raison d'etre for this blog, doesn't mean they're all a Spinster can drink. To prove that we are equally capable of consuming vast quantities of other cocktails, the Spinsters took to the Strip on a balmy Saturday night.

The plan was simple: get glammed up, go to a bar neither had been to before, but that got good reviews on the internet, somehow get in because it seemed like it might be maybe slightly fancy, drink to excess, take the limousine home. ("the limousine" is a word that, used in this context means "the bus.") The plan, all things considered, was a smashing success, and the Sunset Trocadero Lounge will likely remain a spinster favourite.

First of all, the Spinsters somehow managed to get the last available table in the tiny, tiny bar, all others having been reserved by beautiful people ahead of time. This table turned out to be the best table, because it was outside, on the patio, overlooking the Sunset Strip, allowing for a maximum amount of people-watching and judging. After the Spinsters took their table, most other people were turned away from the bar, with contrived excuses ranging from "we're totally booked for a private party," to "actually, we don't allow bandannas." Clearly, the Spinsters are visibly classier than most denizens of the strip.

And in honour of our classiness, we dove into the martini menu. Amy had the Pacific Coast Highway Liquid Sunshine ($12), pictured above at right (it's the yellow one). Also pictured is a guest appearence of Amy's hand and torso - try not to let that distract you from the subject of the photo. This lovely summer martini was made with Malibu rum and pineapple juice. Malibu rum has long been one of Amy's go to drinks, indeed, her love for it pre-dates her love for margaritas. It didn't disappoint. However, sadly, the drink was finished all too quickly and Amy was left all too sober.

Alexandra had the Santa Monica Boulevard ($12), pictured above at left (it's the red one), which consisted of champagne, and berry-flavoured liqueurs, and was utterly delicious, in a just-shy-of-cough-syrup sort of way. Mostly, Alexandra remains completely and utterly sold by any drink that employs champagne as a mixer. Clearly, that idea is one that will save civilization.

Because of our sparkling wit and stylish demeanor, we got a tip-off from our super fantastic server about the Key Lime Martini ($11), which wasn't included on the menu, but was a specialty of the bartender. So special was it that the Spinsters drank two each and once again successfully quelled soberity. The drink was delicious and creamy, but not too sugary, although it smelled deliciously sweet. Our waitress that night, by the way, was super fantastic. It's common to find pretentious douchebaggery from people on the Strip, but she was really nice and friendly and the service was fast. We really appreciated that she tipped us off about the non-menu drink.

And because, try as we might, Spinsters cannot live on a liquid diet alone, we had the basket of popcorn shrimp (not actually served in a basket, but in a martini glass) and the macaroni and cheese, both of which were delicious and somehow classy, despite being . . . fried shrimp and mac 'n' cheese.

Until next time, remember: drink a martini, two at the most, three you're under the table, four you're under your host. (Props to Ms. Dorothy Parker, a Spinster role model if there ever was one.)

Yours,

The Inebriated Spinsters

Mariasol, Santa Monica Pier, June 13 2008

The day was almost perfect. After a visit to the Venice canals, some socialist Chinese food, and a pit stop at the Venice Beach Freak Show, we were happy, happy Spinsters indeed. But something was missing. What could it be? Ah! A margarita (or two).

So we stopped off at Mariasol, a mexicalifornian tourist trap at the end of the Santa Monica pier.

Amy tried the Don Julio Margarita ($10.25): Don Julio blanco tequila, triple sec, and sweet and sour mix.


Limeyness: Not too limey, but exactly what was needed after a hot day of Spinstering about, avoiding Venice Beach hippies who were trying to sell us paintings and surfboard-shaped clocks.

Saltiness: Good, but inconsistent rimming. The Spinsters do not approve of patchy salt coverage!

Presentation: Pretty standard - but points off for the lime wedge rather than a lime slice.

Strength: Good, and maintained the strength throughout.

Texture: An excellent blended margarita. Because, you know, "blended" can easily cross the line into "slushy purchased at a convenience store." None of that here.

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro? Because this drink was laid-back, easy-going, and didn't require too much intellect, Amy chooses Chris Lowell, for a black-masked frolic in the surf.

Overall rating: Four out of five tequila worms.




Alexandra had the El Patron Margarita ($10.25): Patron, Triple Sec, and sweet and sour mix.


Limeyness: Refreshing, citriusy and clear.

Saltiness: Great! The salt itself was just slightly coarser than regular table salt, but not overly coarse. Super duper. One wonders, however, why Amy's margarita did not have similar salty excellence. Someone behind the bar needs to pull up their socks.

Texture: Rocks.

Presentation: Nice - in a typical long-stemmed margarita glass. Looks good next to a bowl of chips.

Strength: Really nice - a slow, gentle burn. Perfect after a day in the sun.

Zorro? After much agonizing consideration . . . that guy who played that sexy neighbour who lived next to Samantha in Malibu in the Sex and the City movie (which the Spinsters viewed together for solidarity, and, naturally, laughed at all the parts you don't remember - like when Carrie drove a golf cart up a clif in Mexico. Or when Samantha spoon-fed her a bowl of table cream. Seriously - wtf?) Research reveals that his name is Gilles Marini. He would make an excellent Zorro-emerging-from-the-ocean-with-surfboard-tucked-under-his-arm, which is what this margarita embodied.

Overall rating: Four out of five tequila worms





These weren't the strongest margaritas, but good enough for a sunny day at the beach.


Until next time remember: a margarita a day keeps the ennui away.


Yours,

The Inebriated Spinsters

Spinster Kitchen; Los Angeles, California; June 12, 2008

Sometimes, the Spinsters feel like staying in. But that doesn't necessarily mean they feel like staying sober. Luckily, there are all kinds of pre-made Margaritas-in-bottles from which they can choose.

This evening, the Spinsters sampled the "Jose Cuervo Authentic Classic Lime Made With Jose Cuervo Gold Tequila Premium Margaritas," purchased for $8.99, at the supermarket. That is $8.99 for 750ml of margarita. Oh, the things we consume for you, dear readers, with little to no regard for our hepatic health.

Before we begin the review, it is necessary to note that the label on the bottle tells a tale of wonderful lies about some chick named Rita de la Rosa, whom our extensive research reveals may, or may not, have been Rita Hayworth, who was apparently the inspiration for the creation of the margarita. Upon reading this story, Alexandra decided that her future daughter will be named "Lola Margarita," prompting Amy to make a decision that Alexandra must never, under any circumstances, be allowed to procreate.

Limeyness: Rita Margarita de la Rosa was not big on the limeyness, it seems.

Saltiness: We added our own, to taste. We also debated about adding our own tequila to taste, but realized this would have nullified the decision to go with pre-made margarita.

Presentation: A++, because we did it ourselves, with lime slices, and Alexandra's pretty awesome electric-guitar-shaped ice cubes.

Strength: The Spinsters have consumed stronger glasses of water. However, this kind of margarita does have a place and purpose. If you were planning to consume a lot of margarita at, say, a family reunion, or other such unbearable event, a couple bottles of Rita Margarita de la Rosa's finest would make everything alright. Once you're through the first bottle, the lack of margaritic authenticity would become a moot point. This stuff is also useful if you are a high school girl with plans to attend a backyard bonfire while someone's parents are away, with the goal of getting drunk and losing your virginity to a 12th-grade-boy named Darren, Kyle, or similar.

Texture: Well, the bottle is made of some kind of textured glass, which provides grip if one is swigging.

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro?
Amy says: Bob Saget. Just bearable for home viewing only. Not meant to be taken out on the town.
Alexandra says: Zac Efron. Good for sixteen year old girls.

Overall Rating: Two out of five tequila worms - because this shit has its purpose.




Until next time, remember: Don't drink anything we wouldn't drink.

Yours,

The Inebriated Spinsters

Hamburger Mary's; West Hollywood, California; June 9, 2008

The Spinsters were en route to another bar for a party, but, always dedicated to their cause, stopped off at Hamburger Mary's for some Margarita Field Research.

Amy tried the Versatile Margarita ($9), the less-yellow one, pictured above at right.

Limeyness: Present but not potent.

Saltiness: Very coarse, which is great for the rim, but not good for dissolving into a drink.

Presentation: Great, solid margarita glasses - not like those stupid cheap plastic ones you get at some "bars." The lime wedge, however, was floating in the drink, which insulted Amy's sense of control - some Spinsters prefer applying their own lime. Also, lime slices are always more aesthetically pleasing than wedges.

Strength: Edgy and cheap, but sometimes we like it rough. However, some needs were left unmet. By the end of the drink, this Spinster was feeling vaguely unsatisfied.

Texture: n/a (On the rocks).

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro? Judd Nelson from the Breakfast Club. A little bit rough, a little bit cheap, lacks staying power.

Overall Rating: Two out of five tequila worms.




Alexandra went for the Cadillac Margarita ($12), pictured on the left, and made with a slightly fancier, but not too fancy, tequila.

Limeyness: A goodly amount of lime, with a citrusy kick - yum, Grand Marnier!

Saltiness: Same as the Versatile Margarita.

Strength: Smooth, but packs a whallop. Gives it to you rough, but asks nicely first.

Texture: Rocks.

Zorro? Samuel L. Jackson - as stated above, pretty smooth, would ask you nicely, but give it hard.

Overall rating: Three out of five tequila worms.




The Spinsters then proceeded to The Normandie Room, a bar reknowned for its very girly, very large martinis. Our Spinsters, however, having decided that enough sugary drink had been consumed for one evening, went for basics. Amy had an impossible-to-fuck-up Corona, and Alexandra had a couple of easy-to-fuck-up-but-really-good-this-time-out gin martinis (Tanqueray, Two olives). And there was birthday cake for the fete of a Spinster associate.

Booze and cake! A highly productive evening.

Until next time, remember: men only make passes at girls with two glasses.

Yours,

The Inebriated Spinsters

Velvet Margarita; Hollywood, California; June 6, 2008

What an auspicious beginning.

This blog is meant as a textual and visual record of the margarita consumption of two Spinsters-About-Town, but, alas, for reasons known only to the Gods of Technology, all of last night's pictures disappeared from our respective cameras but one, so the only picture that remains from our trip to Velvet Margarita is this:


Seriously, there is a margarita in that pineapple, you guys. Swear to god. And there was a strawberry on top. For real. Note also that this picture was taken before any alcohol was consumed. And that is why we are academics, and not photojournalists.

But anyhow. On to the review!

We each began the evening with Velvet Margarita's signature drink, the appropriately named Velvet Margarita ($15 - pricey, but again, in a fucking pineapple), sort-of pictured above. And here is the verdict!

Limeyness: Low. Very low. However, there was a very pleasant citrusness that made up for the lack of lime. Possibly a result of the use of Cointreau?

Saltiness: No salt! Hard to rim a pineapple, we suppose.

Presentation: Top marks! Did we mention it was in a pineapple? All that was missing was a half-naked cabana boy.

Strength: Oddly, the potency of this margarita increased as the night went on. It didn't burn as much as some Spinsters (ie: Alexandra) may have liked, but by the end of the pineapple, a considerable amount of tipsiness was achieved.

Texture: Wonderfully smooth, and it kept it up the whole way down - this margarita did not get melty or watery. However, one cannot ignore the possibility that Spinsters do drink rather quickly.

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro?

Amy says: Ricky Martin. Flashy, not a lot of follow-through, but nice to have around.

Alexandra says: Justin Timberlake. Gives the initial appearance of being a substanceless flash in the pan, but later proves to have some staying power. Nothing revolutionary, but pretty good.

Overall rating: Three out of Five Tequila worms.




Amy then proceeded to drink three of Velvet Margarita's Classic Margarita ($8).

Limeyness: Moderate.

Saltiness: Excellent salt layer on rim.

Presentation: Understated in a basic tumbler.

Strength: Very strong.

Texture: Shaken - interesting choice for a "classic". There is some Spinsterly debate over the authenticity of the blended margarita. Some Spinsters argue that since the contemporary conception of the margarita is that it is a blender drink, one might expect a "classic" margarita to be blended. Other Spinsters claim that the margarita predates the blender, and that the "classic" should be served on the rocks. To each her own.

If this margarita were a movie about Zorro, swarthy hypermasculine horseman, who would play Zorro?

John Leguizamo - small but mighty fine.

Overall rating: Four out of five tequila worms




Velvet Margarita also offers a wide selection of other fun drinks, and after her first margarita, Alexandra proceeded to drink three of their Mexican Martinis ($12).

This drink is comprised mainly of tequila and . . . tabasco. And, friends, despite what you might think, it is a delicious, delicious thing. Surprisingly smooth, with precisely the right amount of esophageal burn.

Based on earlier experience, Alexandra would also like to recommend Frida's Brow (strawberry, tequila, cinnamon) and the Pink Puta (strawberry, tequila, half and half). And we didn't try them, but the Pina Coladas come in coconuts!

After four drinks each, the Spinsters lurched home, and collapsed.

Until next time, remember: Drink responsibly and frequently.

Yours,

The Inebriated Spinsters